I am really feeling blah lately. Lonely, hurting, and wondering to Him, when my life will fall together. Or does it ever? I went to a church for a while and at first really enjoyed it, listened intently as the Pastor told us how much God loved us, unconditional more than we could even imagine.
As much as I want to believe that and have the hope that He will get me through. I have to ask why so much pain to get through? Why so many tears, unsurity, loneliness, and unanswered questions? Why?
I quit going to that church because people didn't talk to me really, even if I had questions of the the sermon that day. So I gathered the kids up that last day and moved on. Out the door, never to return.
I haven't found a new church, but I drive by one that I want to go to, every day. Maybe I will have the courage to try it tomorrow. We will see.
I feel that I have to find that support and church to be part of, before I have surgery. I need to get closer to Him so that I have the strength to go through this.
Matt spends more time with his "new" friend right now, than me. It hurts. I was used to having him with me all the time. Perhaps I was spoiled, perhaps my view of reality scued. Ryker is the only one constantly with me, and well, he doesn't understand why I am crying and telling him how I feel. But, he smiles every time. At least I have that.
I am drifting. Towards nothingness. Towards being numb again. I don't want to be there. But, it is happening. Why do other people have to fill that emptiness? I need people. I need closeness.
Who I Am...
- Luanne
- Omaha, NE, United States
- I am a wife, mother, daughter, sister...you get the idea. I am obviously female and proud of it. Matt is my soulmate, aka my handsome husband. Jacob is my first born and in my mind, a real genius. Hannah is my middle girly girl, who drives me crazy and swells my heart, often at the same time. Ryker is my youngest, and has me wrapped around his itty bitty finger. We have no pets,we live in the midwest and I am in accounting....what else do YOU want to know?
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3 comments:
okay so you know i'm a mormon but not like the other morms. lol. you should try one of our churches. we could talk about it. i have another suggestion, we could TEXT! i am huge texter and it helps me to not feel lonely or bored because i have others around if that makes any sense. who is this "new" friend?
you will be fine for surgery . in hospital for about 3-4 days . then home . they wont shave off to much hair . People make such a big deal about chiari surgery and you dont need too. They say its brain surgery but actually its not . They are cutting away skull . so big breath you will be fine. I do hope and pray your Dr has done many of these surgeries . Take care and good luck . Just taker easy for a few days you will be up and around in now time.
you have to get up and blow your self off as the saying goes . You will have friends just dont tell them whats going on . If they ask how are you say , a day at a time . thats what I say . and if people still wont be your friend you dont need them . take care
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